My 50th birthday! On the outside, I appear to be having a wonderful time. But the truth is, inside, I am miserable.
Celebrating on the outside, miserable on the inside.
Hi, I am Tracy May and I’m celebrating my 50th birthday in this picture! I look so happy, don’t I? And I am enjoying the celebration, on the outside.
But the truth is, inside, I am miserable. I feel broken, alone, scared, invisible because my marriage had been abusive and controlling for the better part of our 14 year relationship by 2011.
So much of my life, I showed the world a happy, successful woman.
To an outsider looking in, I had a wonderful life.
As a young kid, my mom and step-dad were always drunk and unavailable. Being left on my own to navigate life, I felt unwanted and alone most of the time.
As an entrepreneur, I had achieved success with several businesses. I knew how to do business really well, but my adult relationships were much like my childhood: my needs never mattered and I felt invisible, lonely and powerless. I ended up in multiple abusive relationships that ate up over three decades of my adult life.
Both my husband and ex-fiance were seen as kind, helpful, generous, hard-working guys with a beautiful home, sport cars, glamorous vacations, expensive jewelry, nice clothes. Most people had no idea of the real person behind the smile.
When you feel stuck in your relationship, it can be distracting across all areas of your life.
When my ex fiancé said this to me for the first time,
"Who do you think you are?"
I still remember the way it felt, even though it was over three decades ago. It shocked me and I was taken aback, especially the first time he pushed me. I didn’t really know how to react…
Maybe you know how it is…you feel like you are at the beginning of a downward spiral that you can’t stop. As the years pass, your partner’s mood deteriorates more and more.
You don’t know what created the shift in him, but you know you desperately want to fix it.
I finally found enough courage to leave my fiancé for good, before I lived a life of broken bones and bruises.
Years later, when I hear this from my husband of a few years,
“This is your fault. You made me act like that, if you hadn’t ...”
I nearly broke into tears. Out of nowhere, I had a sickening feeling of de ja vu–how in the world was I suddenly feeling this familiar sense of disbelief and powerlessness again in my relationship? This was a totally different man!
He hadn’t pushed, grabbed or hit me, but his anger sounded so certain that I believed what happened must have been my fault. After years of accusations, bulling, blaming, criticizing, I felt I couldn’t do anything right, ever. He was always upset with me.
If you are anything like me, you have waited around for years, walking on eggshells, afraid to let go because if you can just get it right this time, things will go back to how they used to be, happy and in love.
Have you spent years trying to fix your relationship but it only continues to get worse?
Constantly trying to fix him, believing he can change, grasping onto hope you will find the loving man you once knew…Yep. That was me too, and I was exhausted.
In 2012, I looked at my life and didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I wasn’t the vibrant, motivated, joyful woman I once had been. I was small and invisible. After being married 15 years, my life revolved around making sure I didn’t do anything to upset my husband.
“This is not the life I want to keep living.”
I felt lost and didn’t know the way back to me, or even who I really was. My life felt like a complete failure. None of my relationships were alike, but how I felt in each of them was exactly the same, powerless and helpless.
At the end of my rope, I was desperate to find a solution.
I imagine that—like me—you have explored books, self-help programs and events, weekend workshops, multi-day intensives, therapy of all kinds, talking to people, researching anger/abuse/toxic relationships, narcissistic behavior, self-help, self-love and boundaries.
All that knowledge didn’t shift a thing.
Feeling hopeless from a breakdown in my relationships with my adult children and my husband, I was desperate to get my life back. I hired a coach to help me as a last resort, it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.
As I picked up the pieces to the puzzle at each juncture of my journey, I began picking up lost pieces of me.
Much to my surprise, I discovered I was participating in a system of toxicity in all of my relationships.
It was a cycle: they treated me badly or abusively, I tried to get them to love me and stop their abusive behavior.
With my coach’s guidance, I was able to break the survival system from my childhood. I discovered how to love and accept myself, set and keep boundaries and replace negative judgments and criticisms with empowered thoughts.
I learned I had taken responsibility for others’ happiness…and made others responsible for mine.
Once I put my happiness back in my hands and stopped being part of the toxic system, my relationship with my husband transformed.
Eliminating lifelong patterns, beliefs, systems and programming isn’t a journey for the faint of heart...
One step I took to shift my relationship was letting go of explaining and defending so my husband would stop being angry. Breaking free from that one pattern took a ton of work and commitment. Making mistakes, trying again, still getting it wrong, but continually learning from each mistake helped free me from this pattern.
This is a journey of deep commitment to a life of freedom from toxic systems.
I finally found the freedom and confidence let go of the programing and beliefs that kept me stuck far too long in toxic relationships in exchange for breadcrumbs of love.
I'm passionate to take everything I have learned now to help you.
It has been my privilege to work with so many wonderful, smart, powerful women just like you, that have found themselves in a similar position: stuck, confused, feeling alone in a relationship cycle they can’t seem to fix or knowing it is time to leave and building a new life.
I have taken all I learned over many years of research and my own deep emotional work, along with my coaching certifications and developed a program in which I coach women to become fiercely empowered in their relationships and lives.
Part of my journey was learning to loving myself, setting and keeping boundaries, radical self-acceptance, protecting myself from abuse and giving myself and others forgiveness. Those are the core values of my fiercely empowered coaching program.
I learned all about co-dependence, trauma bounding, being an empath and attracting narcissists (a whole other story of self-healing in itself) and so much more on my journey.
I am glad you are here.
Your situation is not as impossible as you may think.
I have experienced incredible challenges and explored many options knowing there was no quick fix. The journey we will go through together can free you from habits, behaviors and beliefs that keep you stuck in an unhappy, maybe even toxic or abusive relationship, never getting your needs met.
I would love the privilege to help you on your journey towards an empowered life, so you don’t feel lost, disconnected and alone during your journey.
Take the assessment, look over the free resources, and connect with me by scheduling a free breakthrough session. I hope this space brings you hope that you CAN get the love you desire and deserve.
• professional certifications •
I’ve also put years into studying and learning from leading relationship coaching methodologies that have proven to get results for thousands of people. I’m here to support you with solutions that are based my trainings:
Inner Bonding Facilitator In Training Peace Process Certified Coach Instant Miracle Mastery Certified Coach Tony Robbins Madenes Core 100 Certification
Virtual Coach Certification
Rapid Academy Coaching Certification
My Fiercely Empowered Coaching approach includes many tools, strategies and techniques to support your transformation including the 5 Pillars of Empowerment, EFT, and Inner Bonding.